The End shall Come - Be Prepared
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Wills
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Beneficiaries
Separate and apart from your will, it is important to establish beneficiaries on ALL of your accounts or be sure that you have worked with a financial advisor to put you accounts into a trust. Just because you have a will doesn't mean that your children or spouse will be able to easily access those accounts. In fact they may still need to probate to gain access. Yes really even if you are the spouse.
(In my situation because of our financial advisor we looked at all of our accounts and found that there was a stock account that my husband had established when we were engaged. Not only was my name not listed on the account but also, I was not listed as the beneficiary. My husband granted permission for me to talk with the bank holding the stocks. I went through the different types of paperwork, requested to have my name listed on the account and to be able to make trades. We filled out the paperwork and submitted.
Medical Power of Attorney
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Who is with you at the end?
This question actually warrants thought and may not be as obvious as it seems. Do you want your family there? Who in your family do you want there? Just because they are family doesn't mean that they are your loved ones. Do you want your children there? How old are your children and consider the entire spread of ages from youngest to oldest. What may be okay for your oldest child may not the same for the youngest, but at the same time you risk the youngest feeling left out and also loosing that opportunity for the youngest to have the same type of closure as your older children. Also consider have you prepared your children for this day?
(Once my husband went on to Hospice, I brought all three of my sons to the hospital. I explained that although their dad could no longer talk and was no longer opening his eyes, didn't mean that he couldn't hear them, and feel their touch. I asked my boys, "Do you want to be here at the end when Dad goes?", and just waited for them to respond. Each said that they did. Then I responded, "Understand though, that I can make no promises. It is up to Dad and God when he will go.")
Medical Body Donations
What is a Medical Body Donation?
Answer - this is where immediately (VERY soon there after) upon death the human remains are given to a medical organization for medical science research. Choices for donation can vary depending on your location while living and at time of death.
Types of Donation
Whole Body Donation to a Medical School - This is probably what a person thinks of most when you think of human remains donation. Our future doctors and the doctors that have treated you or are treating you have all spent time in what is know as the cadaver lab. The cadaver lab is an extremely important part of a medical doctor's training. What they learn here directly translates to the treatment and care that they provide to patients later in their practices. There is only so much that can be learned from books and today's simulation techniques. Typical donations to medical schools are from 1-3 years time. At the end of time in the cadaver lab the remains are then cremated and returned to the designated family member or trustee for final rest. Typically, there is also an option, if the family does not wish to have the remains returned. They are still cremated and put to rest in a designated group burial area. Further, in many programs, the students, and families of the deceased can participate in a remembrance service at the school to honor the deceased for the tremendous gift they have given these future medical professionals.
Body Donation for Scientific Research
While the Medical School Donation is probably the most well know, there are other options. There are many other areas where human remains can be helpful if not critically important in research and medical practice. Here are some examples:
- Tumors for pharmaceutical research.
- Brain for study of dementia and Alzheimer's
- Hip, knee or shoulder joints for developing and practicing replacement surgery.
- Hearts for the study of cardiovascular disease and surgeries for stint placement, valve related surgeries, etc.
- Spinal Columns and cords to develop new techniques for disk repair, minimally evasive surgery or spinal cord repair.
- And many many more.
The power of this type of donation is endless. Like the donations to medical schools, cremated remains are returned to a designated family member if you choose. However, the process is much quicker. Remains are usually received any time between 3 weeks and 3 months, depending on the organization. The other major difference between these two major types of donation is what or if you will, how much is returned. Not all of the remains will be returned, only the portions that have not gone on to a medical research program will be returned. And once with a research program, they will not be returned at a later date.
Who qualifies for Donation and Who Doesn't
Different programs have different guidelines, but by and large most people can donate in some fashion or another. Some research programs have minimum BMI requirements. Most programs won't take human remains that have been subject to communicable diseases such as Covid, Hepatitis and others. Contact specific companies or schools for their requirements. Age is not typically a requirement either on the young or the old side. And unlike organ donations, cancer patients are able to donate!
Why Donate
The science reasons to donate - So much good can come from a donation, no matter the type of donation!
(As my husband put it "Once I am gone, I am gone. I want someone to hopefully learn something about this awful disease so that hopefully this doesn't have to happen to someone else someday.")
The financial reasons to donate
Dying is expensive - Most medical schools will cover the majority of costs, cremation and the like. However, you, the estate or trustee may be responsible for a transport fee. Although currently in the range of $400 to $600 dollars, this can vary widely depending upon distance to the medical school you have chosen.
Companies that offer Scientific Study Donations often cover all of the costs. (This was my experience)
Additional Notes: Medical Schools are generally Not for Profit whereas other Science Donation companies are just that companies in business to make a profit. If this matters to you be aware of the differences.
(Personally, this was not an issue. The first and foremost issue was trying to make a difference for the future!)
Funeral Planning & Expenses
Funerals can be expensive, even if you choose a human remains donation that covers all or most of the cremations costs, there are other costs to consider. And if you choose a traditional casket and burial the costs are even higher.
Standard Cremation
Casket and /or Urn
Mortician and staff to prepare body for viewing
Clergy
Musician
Vocalists
Flowers for Casket or Urn
Prayer Cards
Memory Boards
Obituaries
Catered lunch after funeral service
Burial Plot
Interment or placement of casket or cremated remains in grave or creamated remains sealed in gravestone marker.
Grave stone
When to Plan the Funeral
As soon as you can muster the courage, plan the funeral! A massive weight will be lifted off your shoulders.
If the terminally ill person doesn't want to plan the service, understand that it may just simply be too difficult to face this additional and final aspect of mortality. Your spouse may leave all of the planning to you, then by all means do it! Don't wait! You need not pick out every last detail but decide cremation or casket burial. Decide if you are going to donate. Pick the music, and pick the readings, you will be numb after your loved one dies, pick the readings now, so you have a chance to make meaningful decisions rather than rushed and checking off the list. Decide the types of services you want and their locations. If you are going to do a burial pick a plot, pay for it. If you can, pick the headstone and order at least the majority of engraving. The engraving can take time and with Covid or other future issues, you may have to wait longer than you expect for this to be done.